Crazy Days

Ok, so it's been a whopping 10 days since my last post, sorry to have deprived you all from my earth shattering ramblings. But before we get to the good stuff...a bit of housekeeping.

First- a new photo gallery (KAF 2) was added over yonder not so long ago, enjoy.

Second- in an attempt to stop you from having to sit in front of your computers constantly hitting the refresh button to see if I have added a post, you can sign up over the other yonder to get email alerts.

So, everybody caught up? Great, cause this blog is going to come blasting out, I actually have so much to say that I may have to make this a double blogger night, we'll see how it goes...

No good way to start this one but to just jump in. The past few days have been insane...not insane, more like crazy ninja insane if that phrase is even legal. Monday started off as any ordinary Monday does...groundhog day. I was coming off a fairly light Sunday that saw me actually take about half the day off, I know, how crazy of me. It was just the second time so far that I haven't set my alarm, just too bad the guy who I took this place over from had come back from his R&R on Saturday, he woke me up at 7:15am looking for the truck keys...you know, the keys that are hanging in the office on the hook labeled "Truck Keys". Sometimes I ask too much I know. Good thing he is being shipped out in a week or two to another location!

 Sorry...back to Monday. The dust had finally cleared, it had been extremely dusty the past week or so, just miserable. Too dusty for the planes and choppers to fly, too dusty to stand outside for more than a few minutes without a scarf over your face, looking down the street nothing was in focus, just plain dusty. About the only thing nice about it was that it kept the sun completely blocked most days and the temperature actually fell about 15 degrees. So on Monday when I woke up the dust was completely gone and the sun was back in it's usual spot just inches above the earth. With temperatures reaching 112 by 11am, my 24 hours of craziness began when the generators that provide us our power from the neighbor broke down. Both of them at the same time. No power, no AC. To say that these steel containers we live and work in heat up fast in this heat is an understatement. I left for lunch and when I got back the inside of the office was so hot that the bottle of water I had on my desk was too warm to drink. After a few hours of no power, it finally came back on, it took almost the remainder of the day to let the AC catch back up.

Fast forward to around 9pm on Monday. I get a call from an Air Force Engineer that sometimes stays here when he is passing through. We have Air Force contracts and as part of the contracts we must supply temp housing should they be in need when passing through. No biggie, usually the same guy and he's pretty cool. Well this time he wasn't able to get a truck, so he called and asked if I could pick him up. No problem right? Well when I picked him up he told me that he had a 1:30am flight out, arggg....So at 1am I drag my butt back out and take him to the airport. Tired and slightly annoyed I slide back into bed and finally go to sleep. 4am...my phone is ringing.....his flight was canceled and they couldn't get him out on the next one either....sooooo.....back to the airport. But how do you complain to him when we were just awarded a $20million Air Force job in Kabul that he is part of?

I know what you are thinking...."boo hoo, you had no AC for a while, you missed some sleep, that's not crazy ninja insane!". Well here is where things started to go wild. Let me back up a second to better set the stage. Things here are a cash existence, locals get paid cash only, unless they are a large contractor that you can have funds wired to their accounts. More established "western" contractors don't need cash in hand, but everything else works on only cash. Monthly truck rentals...cash, cell phones...cash, meal cards for the cafeteria..cash, utilities....cash, etc., so as I have taken things over here we have had to catch up on a lot of those bills that had been slipping. Therefore I needed a fairly large cash injection. So on Monday night I got a call from our head of security saying that he would be on a commercial flight into the airport here at 7am from Kabul with money for me. Only thing is, the commercial flights are not allowed to unload and enter the base, they get released outside the wire. No big deal really, just a mile or two and it borders the base the whole way, still under the watchful eye of the guard towers and the endless stream of troops entering and leaving the base on patrols. So we headed out there this morning and parked in the lot next to where the people come out. The plan was to meet, get the money, and he was turning around to catch the flight back out. Kinda like a drug deal minus the drug part. Well as we sat there, things began to get real sketchy. The Afghan Police patrol the terminal entrance, and as you might know, they're not exactly the most trust worthy bunch. The head policeman was walking around in body armor, grenades hanging on his chest, and a hand gun in each hand, not in the holsters, in his hands. So you might think that at least he must have the upper hand in the situation should something bad go down right? No way, we saw more guns and firepower in the back seats of the locals that were showing up than what the Afghan police were showing. How messed up is that? The locals just driving around with AK47's in their cars, in plane view. They even had to go through a checkpoint run by the Afghan Army to get to where we were. Most of them are private security companies that people can hire to take them around, and man are they shady looking, All of them just watching us trying to figure out what our deal was.

So after a good 45 minutes waiting or the plane to show up late, he finally came out and it was game on. To say I was shocked at what happened next is the understatement of the year. Our head of security walked over to us, shook our hands, and held up a bag about the size of a shoe box, just as I thought he was handing the bag over, he unzipped it and pulled out the money! My heart absolutely stopped. Every single person there had to have seen this, and to make things worse, he announced "here's your $xx g's", like some sort of mafia don or something! We grabbed the money and threw it straight into the glove box and got the hell out of there.

So now I bet you're thinking that was pretty crazy, well now comes the absolute scariest part of the whole ordeal...the old timer was driving, well he freaked out, gunned it, and we soon were doing close to 80mph! Now there are many things that you shouldn't do as you drive towards a heavily guarded security entrance to a major military base in the middle of an active war zone. On the top of that list is drive like a mad man as fast as you can directly towards the guards. I have no idea what got into him, but he officially lost it. I was screaming at him to slow down, but he was like a possessed madman. We even passed a full military convoy! He finally slowed down with about 1/4 mile to go before the mandatory stopping point where it clearly states you will get shot should you not stop. I could feel the snipers in the guard towers bearing down on us. So now we are at the stop zone, third in line to go through, and guess what, the convoy has the right of way, so we now have to sit there and wait for 10 minutes for them to go through. And now we have caused a major scene and attracted all sorts of attention to us, we might have been at the gate, but technically we could still be detained by the Afghan Police or Army since we were still under their watch. That would not have been good under the circumstances.

Once it was our turn to go through, we held up our badges as required for the guards to see through their binoculars from the tower, they turn a light green when you can proceed- keeps them away from the vehicle should you be there with the intent to blow yourself up, lovely thought huh? Finally we got green, entered into the transition area, and slowly drove by the troops that await you around the corner. Once through the gate, we drove the 100 yards or so to our compound where I got out and sat at my desk and after a few minutes of clarity seeking, sent an email to my bosses and the head of security explaining just how badly that went down, while he went out and grabbed breakfast. Holy crap that was crazy ninja insane. Needless to say we had a little chat when he got back with his full belly. Like I said, good thing he is leaving soon.

Just so we can end with a laugh, cause you have to around here. When I went to lunch after the drama, I noticed that they started putting up street signs....finally. Well they have named a section of streets after US States, and here is your tax dollars at work my friends......do they not have spell check???

5 Weeks Worth Of Lessons Learned

Oh where to start? How about the first rule of thumb....everyone has a gun. Get used to it and move on. I've become strangely accustomed to being the only one in the room unarmed. It gets just plain comical at times too, take yesterday's meeting that I had with 2 Colonels that we are working for...I walk into their office which is a small 12'x10' trailer, as we begin talking, another person enters....armed, and then another.....armed. Eventually there were 6 people in this tiny office, all in full uniform, 2 in full armor, a quick count found 2 M16 machine guns, 2 M4 machine guns, 5 side arm pistols, and me with my notebook, but I hadn't shaved in a few days so I fit right in. The meeting had a bit of tension as I was hearing all about our other company's previous performance issues, which I have now inherited. One of the Colonels whom I have hit it off with real well, finally came to my rescue and brought the meeting to and end. After everyone left, he just started laughing, he said all he kept thinking about was the comment I had made to him previously about it being extremely hard to win an argument around here when you are the only one in the room without a gun. I made him agree to installing a metal detector at the door if we ever have one of those meetings again.

Next up....cafeteria etiquette. Do not in any way even make it look like you might be cutting in line. They take their meat inhaling seriously around here. I was actually in line a few weeks ago and i stepped 3 feet to the side to grab a water out of the cooler, when I stepped back in a British soldier behind me asked me my I thought I was so special that I could cut in front of everyone else. Thankfully his buddy next to him told him I was already there, but not until the entire line thought that I was cutting in. I was fully prepared to step out of line because of rule of thumb #1.

Next on the list is don't assume that the troops will stop to let you cross. Even though the signs clearly state that everyone must, they rarely do, and that goes for in the armored trucks or in their personal vehicle- which by the way is odd that they rent them the same way as the contractors do.

Don't expect anyone to be able to help you find a building you are looking for. There are absolutely no signs here. No road signs, no building names, no directories...nothing. And if you go into one building and ask, they have no idea what is in the building next door. It took me 2 weeks to find the US Engineering office, and it was right behind the Canadian Engineering office...you know, the one I was in 2 weeks ago asking if they knew where the US one was.

Hurry up and make decisions, because it will still take forever to get it done! I have been trying for 3 weeks to simply get the proper paperwork that I need to fill out just to get generators placed in my compound. And once I get those filled out, I need to make 3 presentations to the KAF planning board to potentially get approved. Good thing I'm not in a rush or anything, I mean it's just electricity...who needs it anyway? Our electricity currently comes from our neighbor and is not all that reliable.

Don't worry about pissing of your neighbors, everybody does it. Last week at 2am, I awoke to the sounds of Jay-Z blasting. After cursing and threatening the life of anyone within earshot, I ventured outside to settle this like a man....in my underwear, t shirt, and flip flops (sorry ladies, no pictures). Turns out my lovely neighbors who can't seem to keep their generators running well were feeling a bit of cabin fever and thought it would be oh so much fun to have a little impromptu raising of the roof. After numerous attempts at screaming at them to shut up in between bass thumps, I decided to implement what I have been observing those awesome F18s doing for our troops.....air support. So up and over my 2 story little castle went a handful of gravel. Ahhhhhh finally some peace and quiet!

It's hot, it's dusty, you will sweat, don't have any expectations of feeling clean, not even in the shower. 2 showers a day minimum is the routine. 1 in the morning as an attempt to start the day fresh. 1 at night before getting into bed so you don't get sand all over your sheets. Throw in the occasional mid day cleansing after being out on the job site for an extended period, or just running around in general to save some sort of dignity when it comes to your hygiene.

Don't try and rush to get something done with the idea of getting to bed early, there is ALWAYS more to be done. Right now I am averaging around around 17 hours a day. Sometimes more depending on of I need to work with people back in the USA, they tend to get back to you at the end of their workday, after midnight my time. And if you leave your skype on, they will call you...at any hour.

You say you want to send something home for your kids? Keep dreaming, that is unless your kids want cheap stuffed animals or a t shirt with Yosemite Sam on it shooting his guns in the air. After an extensive search of all forms of merchants here, that is pretty much it. No joke. Not a single child sized t shirt in this place except for Yosemite Sam.

Finding a place to collect your thoughts around here is stressful! I have had 2 places that I find great for being able to just go shut down and try and reflect on being here. First is the flight line. Something about sitting in the truck pulled off the road and watching all the various planes and helicopters taking off and landing just takes all the daily stress away. Right at dinner time is amazing there, it's probably the only clear shot of the sun going down.

My other favorite place is the boardwalk after dinner, it's great to walk around right after dinner for a few minutes before heading back to the office to put in another 4 hours work. I usually do 1 lap, takes about 10 minutes, but there is always something going on there. It is something that I have done probably 5 nights out of the week, until yesterday. Yesterday I unfortunately saw the most disturbing sight that I have seen since I've been here. I really am not sure that I can even go back there to be quite sincere. I posted the picture elsewhere so you don't have to feel like you need to see it if you chose not to. I must warn you, if you have your kids in the room, you may want to open this later, cause it's gross. It is so disturbing to me that I am actually thinking of going before the KAF ethical board to try and find out why this is acceptable. Consider yourself warned......here it is.

You don't quit the 5k, the 5k quits you!!!

5 am wake up this morning to do of all things, run a 5k. Seemed like such a good idea the other week when I signed up. But waking up this morning, things seemed to be a bit foggy as to why I thought that I could keep up with soldiers who are in the best shape of their lives, especially since I haven't run in a few months. Might have been the late night sirens going off again keeping me up all night (so much for that quieting down for Ramadan theory). But hey, I just ran a 1/2 marathon not too long ago, I can pull it together and coast through a little 5k right?

The race was sponsored by the Navy, it's called "Run With the Chiefs", and it is exactly that. About 20 Navy Chiefs lined up in front of the pack in a 4 wide formation, lead man carrying the Navy banner. They got a 50 yard head start before the rest of the pack begins the incredibly fast act of swallowing them up. I weaseled my way into the second row at the staring line, after all, the first 400 finishers get a t shirt, and I am all about a free t shirt.

They actually announced before the race that in the case of a rocket or ground attack, the race would be canceled...um....ok, no complaints there I guess.
 
I was amazed at the turn out, nearly 3,000 runners, I would guess maybe only a hundred or so of us were civilians. The start felt great, moving right along with the pack, passed those chiefs like a freight train baby. I don't care that they were busy singing their songs, keeping their pretty little formation. I was cheetah like in my strides, women and children needed to look away for fear of my capture of the prey.........and then after only about 2 minutes in, my lungs were already burning, uh oh. The air at 3,300' above sea level as you know is thin, now throw some nice fine dust into the lungs, and you have a perfect recipe for miserable failure. I was shocked and I must say a bit concerned, if I couldn't finish this thing I could never tell anyone about it, I would have to lie to Jolie and tell her that I pulled a muscle or something just to save face, those that know her know that there is no quit in her vocabulary! She just finished a triathlon minutes after getting stung by a man of war for Pete's sake! And what about my free t shirt, top 400??? I was praying for top 2,999! Come on rocket attack!

After the initial lung drama, I pulled it together and managed to at least keep pace...for a while. Slowly and methodically I started to get passed, not one by one, more like ten by ten. The worst part was that there were entire groups of about 20 running together with all their gear on, I'm talking full uniform, boots, helmet, body armor, about a 60lb pack, and of course....machine gun and side arm....don't leave home without it! Those little @%$!&*%^)!'s flew past me, so depressing, so degrading. I made it to the turn around point better known as the "poo pond", do i need to give more details? And i must say, nothing like sucking air in as hard as you can near the poo pond. But I suppose it might have helped me after the turn around to get the heck away from there as fast as I could.

By this point I figure I was getting close to the t shirt cutoff point. But remember, I was about 20th to start just a little over 1.5 miles ago. Then the 2 mile mark happened. Perhaps a moment that will haunt me for the rest of my time here, if not my life. Like I said, my lungs were burning like never before, so I figured alright, just step to the side and walk for about 10 seconds, get your breathing right, and get back at it. Well, on about my second walking step a voice from behind me shattered every ounce of manhood that I have left in my life.....
"YOU DON'T QUIT THE 5K, THE 5K QUITS YOU!!!!!" I must have jumped 5 feet off the ground, and most likely screamed like a small child in fear at the voice that seemed to come from a very, very dark place. I was back running on the third step, and as I turned to see what this creature was that had stripped me of my God given right to walk so should I choose, I nearly took a digger by stepping off the shoulder of the road and into the moon dust. That man's face is forever etched in my memory. The veins on the forehead and neck, the bright red cheeks, holy cow that dude had some serious issues, most likely he will need to address those when he gets home. I had no other option but to keep running, so run I did, hoping that no one around me was going to remember my face and laugh as I stand in line for dinner.

The finish line was up ahead, and the last thing I wanted to do was come in 401st place. To be honest, it was more a good number to use as a goal than the need for the t shirt, no really. I had no idea at this point, I had to have fallen back too far, but with a decent sized pack right in front of me my head said sprint, my legs said sprint, my lungs said puke. I listened to my body and decided to coast it in and suffer the consequences. Better that than showing my dinner from the night before. I finished with a decent time of 26:37. Not bad under the circumstances I thought. Oh, and guess who finished about 10 seconds behind me, ya that's right, Mr. Angry don't quit the 5k crap. Stick that in your side arm buddy! And as for the t shirt........

                                                                  Ya that's right...I rock!


What a great experience it was. The sun was coming up over the desert right when we started, for once there were no armored vehicles to dodge, and perhaps the coolest part was the Apache helicopter that hovered about 100 yards off the ground above the end of the pack. They really know how to be cool here. Well except for angry boy.

Who will be my Wilson?

Now that the guy from our sister company has left, possibly for good, I am pretty much here solo. At first I was dreading it, part of coming here was to enjoy some good old male bonding....roughing it in the desert, blah blah blah, but now I am actually enjoying the serenity, yes serenity here in the war zone. It's nice to not have to worry about anyone else. It's nice to be able to concentrate on the monster task that I have been given here without restriction of what the guy at the next desk thinks of my approach. Soon enough I will be staffing this location as I begin to win work, and at that time I will have been able to set this place up the way I want, with my rules....oh the power, I am already sketching out my rules of my dictatorship.....I just hope they all can fit in my inflated head.

Things here have quieted down since last week's attacks. And with Ramadan starting up here soon it will hopefully stay that way. From what I hear though, once the month long fasting is over, they try and make up for lost time.


I drove past the section of fence line where the ground attack took place last week, it's less than 1 mile from a job site that I have going on right now. But in the place of what I can only imagine the scene of carnage was, I was greeted by a herd of camels and sheep. My batteries of course were near dead, so I missed getting a picture of the Afghan who was pushing the herd, I didn't see him until he was pretty much right in front of me, scared the crap out of me to be completely honest. Even though I was still in my truck, the feeling of exposure ran all through me. He must have been used to it, he immediately started waving with a big smile and tapping his heart with his other hand. I waved back and smiled as well, a truly amazing exchange if you ask me. I have interacted with many of the locals here on base, both on my job site and in the day to day places where they are here working, but this was my first time in such an uncontrolled situation. I probably could have changed out the batteries and gotten a picture, but as I've said before, I'm just not all that sure how I feel about that. It seems far to personal to me, almost like it makes them out to be circus freaks or something. I mean think about it, he is simply trying to survive in an environment that does not breed longevity. He is simply herding his animals along side the base for the saving grace of protection. The closer he stays to the base, the better his chances of not being bothered by the Taliban.
The immediate differences of the two sides of the fence could not be more black and white. He continued on is trek across the desert, I went back to my office and talked to Jolie on skype. Not to get too political here, as those of you who know me know that politics is not my strongest talking point, but it to me really drove home what it is that I HOPE we are here for. Is it working, I have no idea, I only see what happens on the inside, where locals are working in a relatively safe place, making more than enough money to support their families. But working here also puts them in danger when they get home. I had a local HVAC company owner not show up last week for 3 days, no one heard from him, he finally showed up and explained that he had received a "death letter" overnight under his door warning him about not working for the Americans any longer or his family would not be spared. Yet there he stood before us, back on the job, just trying to make a solid living. Makes my lack of a good cup of coffee seem so unimportant.

So enough of the heavy stuff...back to the question at hand....Who will be my Wilson? For those slower folks out there, Wilson is the volleyball  that Tom Hanks befriends in Cast Away when he is deserted on an island all alone. Alright, so i am obviously not on an island, but the sand gives it that tropical vibe. At the forefront of my inanimate objects up for nomination are the  two coffee makers, the old one that makes a mixer of coffee and sand, and the new luxury $12 replacement I bought over the weekend. Both have felt the weight of my frustration as I beg and plead and demand that they make the coffee taste better...please. Although when all you have for an option is powdered creamer, you really need to lower expectations. My other new found friend is the truly lovely and inspirational dolphin shower curtain. She really is lovely, the way she reminds me of the ocean back home. Eventually I am hoping to get the answer to the question I ask her every time I step inside the shower "who the hell brought you here?". I'm pretty sure last night I faintly heard a voice reply "drop it already!", but she might have meant the soap....ohhhhhh...thanks...i'm here all night...don't forget to tip your waitress.

FYI- by popular demand I have added a link to subscribe to this blog (on the right under the clock), I hope it works, should email you when I have added more riveting ramblings. And by the way...who are all you people? This started as a way to give my family and friends an easy way to keep up with me, and I realize I have a very large family, but I only have about 6 friends ( 9 if you count the coffee makers and shower curtain), so how is it that this blog has had nearly 600 unique visitors since I put that counter up only 10 days ago. I just hope I don't crumble under the pressure to perform...

Safe & Secure

Just a quick post here....I figured with everything that happened here yesterday, and the fact that I received a handful of emails from people who had seen the news reports, that I should touch base and let you all know that all is fine.
It all started around 6:45am, I had just sat at my desk when the siren went off and the "Rocket Attack" alert was given. We thought it was a false alarm as this usually is reserved for night time fun. Less than a minute later we heard the big machine guns from the helicopters firing for about 10 seconds. We thought they were just on a training mission. All went quiet and the "All Clear" was given.
Just before 10am things got a bit more exciting. Again the alarms went off, and immediately we heard a few explosions in the distance, kinda like when you hear the town next door's fireworks on the 4th of July. 3 minutes passed (the time between alarms) and instead of the all clear we got another rocket attack alarm. This went on for about 10-15 minutes, and that's when it got even more "exciting". The rocket attack alarm changed over to "Ground Attack", first time I had heard that one. When the alarm goes off for ground attack they also give a zone call to tell you which part of the base, luckily it was on the farthest point of the base from me, over near the airstrip in a fairly secluded section.
I was able to get some stuff on video (see video section) to try and give you a feel for the atmosphere. It really cannot be described. The base went completely silent. Completely surreal. Only sounds were planes, helicopters, and armored trucks. Civilians are not allowed to be moving during any alarm calls, drive down the street and if you're caught, spend the night in jail. If you are out driving, you are to pull off the road, park, and seek shelter. No messing around on this one.

 On one hand it made me wonder what the hell I am doing here. On the other hand, it really was reassuring in a strange way that I am surrounded by the good guys.

All this lasted about an hour until the all clear alarm, at which point I took off my vest and helmet and grabbed some lunch. It even got to the point that I found myself at my desk in all my gear continuing to work on the proposal that is due. Like I said to someone last night "if i can't get my proposal done, than the terrorists have won", or something like that.

I saw some of the new reports, they all seem to be partly accurate. I had a meeting with the head Contracting Officer this morning about a job, we've hit it off fairly well so I figured I would ask for some details. Amazingly he gave them to me. So this is what I am told happened.....


6:45am - 2 rockets fired at the base on the south side.

10:00am - 1 rocket fired at the north side. 1 suicide bomber ran up to the fence and blew himself up on the North side. About 10 others including 2  more in suicide vests tried to run through the hole in the wall, at which point they were met by Canadian & American forces. None made it in. Another small group fled and were "located" by air support. There was some sort of tractor with explosives on it that they were apparently trying to get to the base, but as most of their plans, it wasn't that well thought out....it was stuck in the sand in a gully about a mile away. No more tractor.

It all lasted only a matter of a few minutes, but they kept the place on lock down for obvious reasons.
No casualties for the good guys. Same cannot be said for the Taliban.